The Permission to Know

Many years ago I’ve seen a viral video of a whale that was caught up in fisher nets… probably has been for weeks already and could hardly move. Then there were divers who came to the whale’s rescue. They snipped all the ropes, removed the nets, the whale was free. But the whale didn’t move. It was still standing there in the water, floating like a Yoga block made of PU foam, as if the nets were still there (they weren’t). Just the marks from the ropes (that have been removed) were still running deep into his skin. The whale was finally free, but the wounds did cut deep into his soul. Everyone could see that the whale was free to move now, it was obvious, so why didn’t he?

In my last video lesson [Doorway into embodiment – proof of concept (UP9),] we were resting on the front side, on the belly, and rolling the pelvis a bit to the left and to the right. There were some issues with the recording and the reception though, and therefore I was thinking about making another recording; and therefore continued to play with these movements.

Which made me fall to the floor (in a poetic sense). I started to extensively rest on my belly. I was sleeping for many hours. I moved just a little. „When you said to make the movements very small, this I found most interesting and helpful”, my brother told me. I fell asleep again. I woke up again, and moved again. The days passed by and I felt… what did I feel? Did I feel anything? Did I feel nothing? Did I feel save? I did feel peaceful, in a very quiet and unspectacular, unshared and unsocial kind of way.

I didn’t write or work much the past few days, ever since I fell to the floor.

What I did do was to rest a lot. And roll my pelvis a little bit to the left and to the right. And I also drew a lot of tiny circles with my elbows and feet in the air. These kind of things. And in between I was thinking. I was thinking about how to put those singular movements back together to a meaningful sequence. And I was thinking about the books of Alice Miller, most prominently her titles,  “For Your Own Good – Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence”, and “Thou Shalt Not Be Aware – Societies Betrayal of the Child”.

And I came to this conclusion:

There are no secret, hard to access, higher worlds hidden behind this world, other than the worlds we don’t allow ourselves to feel.

To set ourselves free, there need not be a struggle, no uproar, no crying with snot and tears, no anger and violence, no big cathartic events. There need not be a big search and inquiry into truth and the nature of reality.

But what we must do, can do, ought to do, is to move and to feel. Move the pelvis a little bit to the left and to the right. Take off our too-tight shoes and curl our toes down, then lift our toes up. If everybody can see that the whale is free, he probably is. But will he use his arms to paddle, his fin to steer? What will he do, where will he swim to next?